art
SHEsaid

I used to be able to view what I wanted on the internet, but then I took a SOPA to the knee.

Naked I stand on a cold gray cement slab, feeling the irritation from the cracks of paint, under my two feet. Like drinking soured milk, the curdled clumps just wont go down my throat, gagging as they pass my tongue. My stomach churns and tightens forcing the bile upwards. Hairs stand erect on my neck, feeling each one against my tight collard shirt. Veins swell and pulse from my temple on the side of my head. With tunnel vision I stare at the black, blank TV screen.

The absence is stinging Waiting for the low rumble of hope Not knowing if you’re here, where you are (Can you see me? Hear me?) , if you’re there The nights that used to plague you are becoming a dear friend You’re not the only one who aches for dusk Where the sun can finally be put to rest and the only thing is left is You You, darling You So the emotions splay out, and the thoughts start rolling What if, what if?  (What if?)  And another soul becomes restless on your night It’s not easy being crazy It’s a pretty unpretentious fact Who would want to know their pain is coming from a miscommunication in the brain?  This is all too real, but it shouldn’t be! It can’t be. Maybe if I just Take one more—it won’t hurt All it can do is make things better Yet I can’t help but think they’re the cause for it There you go again, take something for that You need it All they can do is help Right?  The thoughts burn their way into you Cover it up, cover it up And you do, better than I’ve seen anyone cover it up before (Must be at the peak)  And it scares me silly,  Because everyone knows what comes up must come down (Better take something for that)  But there is no pill in the world that can make you defy gravity I have never lost a friend before, but I was always prepared Prepared, but never expecting And there you are, swaying on the edge of the cliff The terrible sight of it finally sinks in And I wish I never had put up with this But then I would never have seen (You)  You come down Here we go again, climbing back up that peak Together this time, for now I’ve learned never to let you stray Let’s stand on the edge, and feel the wind on our back Earthy forces pulling us down, they have no effect on what we feel On what’s not destroying us,  Only we hold each other’s tethers, and we will never let go  (Just promise me that)  When the time expires, we slowly descend,  Me, guiding you to level ground,  The blood running down my legs the only thing keeping me rational. …But mutilation like this is insane,  And only until watching you and your equally insane acts did I realize it So let’s start over Wipe the slate and the wounds clean Let’s take what we need and never go to the peak again,

Just another broken promise. Your words are really cheap. You’re writing cheques with your mouth. Your body will not keep. They say that love is action. Not simply just a word. If that’s the case, I’ve never felt. I’ve only really heard. You’ve said it many many times. When push it came to shove. I truly honestly believe. It’s only you, you love. The times you said, the things you’d do. But then you would forget. You would work as hard as you wanted to. Until you had to sweat. Things got tough, you packed it in,  And threw it all away. Instead of putting in effort. You’d rather go out and play. I tried and tried, the work I did. Make our world a better place. You sat right on the sidelines. While I went and ran the race. The same excuses “I as high, I forgot”. I’ve heard it all before. The hurt I felt and feel again. I can’t take it anymore. You say “Don’t sweat it! ”, “”It’s no big deal. ” “Be thankful for what you’ve got”. But to me it is the little things,  That really mean a lot Again, I bet you’ll blow it off. You’ll say what you want me to hear. You’ll take the promises that you make. Then make them disappear. So talk your talk, I’ll walk my walk. I’ve done everything I can. To keep my promise and my word. You keep your broken promises. I know that’s what you’ll do. Your talk is cheap, your words are lies. I know that mine are true.

“Can you ever dress like someone normal?”

Back and forth, forth and back I keep pacing. I stay the same while this world keeps changing. I try to run but these walls got me caged in. Sometimes I wonder if these walls know my deepest secrets, Can they see my sadness, my raging madness, or that box of razors underneath my matress? Can they hear my breathing, or my footsteps leaving? Sneaking out my window because I’m tired of my parents screaming. Louder than Metallica playing with a symphony. Louder than crowds in the eighties screaming for Tiffany. I feel secluded, my thoughts feel polluted. So I escape to music ‘cause I think it’s therapuetic, and, this whole world can hate or love me, or think i’m ugly, ‘cause unlike my friends these walls wont judge me. These walls wont betray me, these walls are like my safety. But sometimes I feel like these walls drive me crazy. They enslave me or chase me by myself. if these walls see everything, why the fuck don’t they help? If these walls could talk they’d say, that I am so damn lonely. It feels like no one knows me. These walls keep closing on me. These walls are my leviathan, my cage, my lion’s den. I’m feeling trapped, strapped to this bed that I’m lying in. I can’t escape it so I grab hold of my blanket, counting the cracks on the ceiling for my own entertainment. And this order, it feels like post mortem, shit, These walls watch me fall asleep and wake up, they’ve seen my first cut, they’ve seen my parents break up. They’ve seen how I like to make sure my door stays shut. because I like my privacy without it the inside of me would fall to pieces like clothes with a bad seamstress. These walls are my diary, my notepad, my Jesus. A change of scenery is really all I need. These walls are closing in and it’s hard for me to breathe. It’s hard for me to leave but not hard for me to fall. I just don’t wanna become another brick in the wall. Back and forth, forth and back I keep pacing. I stay the same while this world keeps changing. I try to run but these walls got me caged in. Is it real or just my imagination?